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Hidden hieroglyphics unleash curse in Oakland Tech’s bathrooms

What started as a routine hallway check escalated into what administrators are now calling the largest archaeological discovery in the history of Oakland Tech....
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Don’t Sleep on Bedpans: Mr. Price Fixes Everything Forever

Recent bathroom closures have sparked controversy among students in the Oakland Tech community. Fortunately, at last week's PTSA meeting, Principal Price presented his ingenious...
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Breaking news: You failed that test and your life is basically over.

Yeah, you heard that right, it's over. Your entire life just ended, and there is nothing you can do. You didn't even score a...
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AI Girlfriends vs Real Girlfriends

Aren't you just drained by women? How they constantly spat insults at you, annoy you with issues like interacting with your children, and worst...
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Student Accidentally Turns In Real Phone Instead of Burner

A student, Ben Burner, made his biggest mistake this week, accidentally putting his real phone in the phone box instead of his burner.  Students in...
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Move Over Women, Make Room For Men

This March, in 2026, Men are finally getting a month devoted to their contributions to society. This marks a quarter of a millennia after...
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Et tu, Bobo?

Bobo, our beloved bulldog, has committed a heinous act of betrayal. On March 15, Bobo and a handful of administrators turned on one of...
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CDC Introduces Changes in Vaccine Recommendations

The CDC has added a new vaccine endorsed for its effective immunization and quick results to the list of recommendations for children. The new...
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