Bobo, our beloved bulldog, has committed a heinous act of betrayal. On March 15, Bobo and a handful of administrators turned on one of their own: Oakland Tech Principal Martel Price. The reason? His constant attempts to alter the glorious empire that is Oakland Tech with changes to the schedule, academies, class requirements, and more. While some may see these as necessary improvements, Bobo was desperate to protect the age-old traditions that he has helped shape since the school’s founding in 1914, using any means necessary to keep them intact…
In a carefully planned attack, the administrators baited Mr. Price into a fake meeting regarding the number of doors and gates that can be disabled before students realize that “open campus” is a lie. Unbeknownst to Mr. Price, Bobo lay waiting beneath the desk, filing his teeth in anticipation of the target’s arrival. As the “meeting” commenced, Bobo readied himself to lay waste to Mr. Price’s ankles. As soon as the signal was made, an unintelligible announcement about attendance, Bobo unleashed his vicious bite.
“The ensuing scream was deafening,” remarked an anonymous conspirator. “I wouldn’t be surprised if students at Primavera were able to hear it!”
After months of meticulous research and planning, Bobo’s message was finally delivered to Mr. Price: restore the empire of Oakland Tech, or else! However, Bobo wants to make clear that his actions were merely a threat.
“The bite was intentionally surface level,” said Bobo, in an exclusive interview. “I meant it as an initial warning. Nothing serious…yet. After all, he does supply me with my favorite kibble.”
For now, Bobo plans to lay low, avoiding the roving patrols of the Culture Keepers employed by Mr. Price. Wanted signs have been posted around the school, offering a once-in-a-lifetime reward of five Bulldog Bucks to whomever successfully locates the mischievous mascot.
“So far, we have no leads,” reports Culture Keeper #9. “I’ve been scrolling on Instagram for days, but no clues have popped up yet regarding Bobo’s whereabouts. We’ve locked all of the student bathrooms just to be on the safe side, though. You never know where he could be hiding!”
Mr. Price urges any student with information to make a report as soon as possible, so he can achieve immediate vengeance for the stabbing pains in his ankles.
Bobo sends his regrets to followers of the beloved Ask Bobo column, as he will be unable to share his wisdom this month for fear of accidentally giving away any clues. However, he does leave students with one piece of parting advice: “Shhhhhh!”