What started as a routine hallway check escalated into what administrators are now calling the largest archaeological discovery in the history of Oakland Tech. Late Thursday afternoon, culture keepers reported ominous barking coming from the third floor of the main building, despite there being no classes on the third floor. Further investigation revealed the noise was behind a hollow section of a wall. When they pushed back the wall, culture keepers revealed a secret bathroom covered floor-to-ceiling in hieroglyphics.
“I thought it was just Bobo chasing a student around on the third floor,” third floor anomaly specialist David recalled. “But the wall had a peculiar outline… and hollowness.”
David discovered the yellow and purple hieroglyphics, which were glowing on the walls. Immediately Mr. Price was called to assess the room for “liability, curses, and potential violations of district policy.”
“First priority is safety,” Mr. Price commented. “Second priority is figuring out if we can use this space for testing.”
Soon after, administration sealed off the bathroom and called in a former archeologist turned school librarian to analyze the markings: Mx.Grewal. “Currently we are unable to decipher the symbols” commented Mx.Grewal. “However we estimate that these symbols are dated back to the early 1970s, based on the paint strokes, pop art color pallet, and unmistakable traces of lead.”
After closer examination, suggestions of the symbols circulated as many assumed it depicted early student life writing on stone tablets and what appears to be a detailed map of the fastest route off campus for lunch.
Rare ancient artifacts aren’t unusual for Oakland Tech. In the past, staff have discovered the Golden Bobo, a fully intact Chromebook plugged in to charge, and a stocked tissue box. However, writing carved into the walls is rare, except in the bathroom stalls.
As part of protocol, Mr. Price ordered specialists to photograph the hieroglyphics and reference the Tech database, google drive archives, and the front offices’ filing cabinets in an attempt to decipher the text. No matches were found.
The photographs were laid out in the staff lounge, when longtime teacher of 54 years Mr. Sherman passed by. After carefully examining the symbols Sherman recognized and deciphered the text, which was said to read: “Stalls and walls, secret room, big surprise. Pipes that groan and never flush, and towels that vanish before your eyes. What was broken long ago still lives. To fix the flow, find what maintenance denies.”
At this time, administration has yet to open the bathroom up to the public due to the potential connection to the accidents that have occurred in bathrooms across campus. Administration now believes the hieroglyphics and the strange occurrences with the bathrooms could be linked. Prior to the ancient discovery, toilets refused to flush, pipes exploded, and soap dispensers were mysteriously never filled. What students once believed was “a regular occurrence for Tech” is now being reconsidered as evidence for an emerging curse that could explain the worsening plumping and scarce hygiene supplies.
Mr. Price has announced a reward of 1,000,000,000,000 Bulldog Bucks to any student who can decipher the riddle translated from the hieroglyphics to break the curse on the school’s bathrooms.