Skyrocketing gas and energy prices, ever-growing national debt, international war, corruption at every level of government, deportation without due process, attempted voter suppression, a widening wealth gap, lack of regard for healthcare, political polarization, government shutdowns, climate change being ignored completely, and to top it all off, deranged lunatics running rampant in the White House—sounds like we’re finally making America great, right?
But, as depressing as the current state of our country is, there’s a silver lining: government teachers across the country have constant material to make killer lesson plans. Every day, new headlines hit the front pages, ripe for the picking.
“I used to struggle to make the course curriculum,” admitted AP U.S. Government teacher Mr. Barrett. “Now, I can make a full week of lesson plans in an instant: How to cope with losing your civil liberties on Monday, how the president can escape the law on Tuesday, why the dollar keeps plummeting on Wednesday, the democracy to dictatorship pipeline on Thursday, and an in-depth examination of how the government disregards the Constitution on Friday!”
The economics portion of government classes have also been revamped to better prepare students. Instead of the traditional supply and demand curriculum, Tech teachers plan to pivot toward a more realistic focus: how to get gas to drive to school without going flat-out broke before your 20s. There’s also been rumors that Mr. DeMarinis will offer a guest lecture on how to siphon gas out of your rich neighbor’s car in case of a financial emergency.
Students have also reaped benefits as a result of the constant constitutional crises.
“I’ve never had trouble finding a topic for my current events presentation,” said one of Mr. Barrett’s students. “There’s always dozens of crushing and horrifying events to choose from!”
The College Board has also stated that they plan to make a few changes to the content of the AP test to better reflect the current state of the country. Instead of the typical argumentative essay, students will be asked to provide an in-depth fact check of President Trump’s latest Truth Social posts using citations from the U.S. Constitution. In addition, the multiple choice portion will now be a list of actions the U.S. government has recently taken with students given the option to select either A, constitutional, or B, unconstitutional (word of advice: choose B).
Next year, students may even have the opportunity to take a brand new course: Fascism 101!