Growing up, part of our introduction to the concept of love and relationships is through rom-coms and classic romance movies like “The Notebook,” that mix grand gestures, dramatic confessions, and breathtaking displays of affection. But what happens when the rose-colored-glasses are lifted and the TV shuts off? Having a romantic partner is not always the perfect fairytale that the movies make it seem like—real-life romance rarely is.
In October, British Vogue published an essay called, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Social media picked it up fast, turning the essay’s central question into a rapidly trending topic. What started as a niche observation quickly spiraled into a broad conversation about how unclear expectations and constant comparison can erode self-respect, molding Gen Z dating culture, where romance is either deeply serious or not serious at all.
Online, many women seem to have a thesis about why Gen Z is quitting romance. Part of the conversation stems from a larger cultural shift in how young people, especially girls, are taught to see relationships. Many argue that growing up with constant messages about finding a soulmate through movies, TV, and children’s stories conditioned kids to believe love is a requirement, not an option. Now there is pushback from the idea that self-worth should not be defined by relationship status; instead, modern feminism emphasizes autonomy, personal fulfillment, and a reevaluation of traditional gender roles, rejecting the notion that one’s life should revolve around men and romantic relationships.
As these topics circulate online, they also migrate into real conversations among teens. At Tech, opinions about relationships are just as mixed and dramatic as the internet suggests. Some students in relationships feel pressured to either display their romance as “perfect” or to not display it at all. For others, the same social scrutiny boils down into embarrassment, not in the relationship itself but in the concept of staying with someone who clearly embarrasses them.
“I wish people understood that high school is the time that you need to find yourself and prepare to be on your own,” says junior Aleenah Ali-Colon, “rather than depending on someone else and longing for a connection with someone else.”
With all the think-pieces and Reddit threads examining the “state of Gen Z romance,” the conversation comes down to something simpler: vulnerability. Loving someone, or even just liking someone, requires being seen—really seen—and that is terrifying! Teenagers are constantly aware of how they are being perceived. Between peer pressure, social media, and the fear of being “cringe,” it is easy to over-intellectualize feelings instead of just feeling them.
At the end of the day, perhaps the whole debate about whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing says more about society than it does about dating. Gen Z is navigating love in a world where media literacy is hanging on by a thread, individuality is preached but not practiced, and people are being watched constantly by others who always have something to say about lives that are not their own. Maybe nothing is actually embarrassing unless we decide it is—the feeling of embarrassment only grows when we give others the power to define what should matter to us.